Disappointment can be a hard thing, especially when it comes within a transformation process. You think you are following the energy and potential, responding in the ways that feel right, and yet still something doesn’t work out or come together the way you thought that it would. When you want to stay focused on transformation and manifestation, when you want to live in transformational presence, what do you do with the feelings of disappointment?
First, acknowledge them. Feelings are real. You can acknowledge a feeling without feeding it or getting lost in it. In fact, by not acknowledging it, you allow it to fester inside of you with no outlet for it to resolve or transform to something else. By not acknowledging the disappointment, it becomes a big energy drain. (For more on how to acknowledge feelings without getting lost in them, see my article, “From Exile to Alchemy–Healing Our Relationship to the Heart.”)
So acknowledge the disappointment. Acknowledge that the outcome or how things are currently unfolding was not what you had expected or hoped for. Allow yourself to grieve what it feels like you lost, or perhaps never had, if that feels necessary. Grieving can be a process of healing and transformation if you keep the energy moving. Be curious about what you are feeling. Let yourself be a compassionate observer to your own process. Peel away the layers until you get to what the real disappointment is, which may or may not actually not have much to do with your immediate circumstance.
When you identify what you are truly disappointed about, then ask what wants to happen in the place of that disappointment. What invitation is the disappointment offering? What is the opportunity for new creation here? What is the breakthrough available to you if you shift your perspective, change your direction, or listen more deeply to an emerging potential?
It is also important to acknowledge what good actually did come as a result of how things turned out, even if it wasn’t what you expected. Perhaps there is a realization that would not have happened otherwise. Perhaps you grew in ways you might not have otherwise. Perhaps a new door was opened that might not have if things had turned out differently.
Disappointment happens because we become attached to particular outcomes. One of the keys to transformational presence, to doing transformational work, and to manifestation is to commit to the underlying greater potential that is trying to emerge and let go of attachment to how that potential actually manifests. This is what it means to follow “what wants to happen.”
We think we want things in life because of the things we think will get to do, the people we think will get to be with, or the things we think we will have. We build up big stories around these anticipations.
However, the truth is that we want things because of who we will get to be and how we will feel because we get to be that person. We are happy and fulfilled in life when we are showing up in our greatest potential–living who we were born to be. Specific outcomes are not what makes us happy. It is living into our greatest potential that makes us happy.
Disappointments come. We are human. We have hopes and dreams, and we can get attached to them unfolding in specific ways. Yet they can also open a door to deeper realizations about what is truly important to us and what our souls are really asking us for. With that realization can then come greater clarity about what we are called to manifest and the transformation that is trying to occur. And from there we can re-commit to the potential and let go of attachment to an outcome.