We all experience times when we know something needs to change. Maybe it’s a job or a relationship. Maybe it’s about commitment or taking a stand. Or maybe it’s time to touch a place inside ourselves that, until now, we haven’t dared to touch. Whatever it is, some part of us also knows that on the other side of that change, life will be different. And once that step is taken, there’s probably no going back. So, here we are standing at the edge of change. What do we do when fear gets in the way?
Edges can feel like boundaries to cross or doorways to pass through. Other times they may feel like deep chasms. However they show up, edges represent the space between “what is” now and whatever might be on the other side—between life as we know it and life as we might imagine it. And we can’t know for sure what it will be like on the other side until we have crossed the edge.
Standing at the edge of change can be uncomfortable. To cross to the other side may involve risk. And that risk may indeed be tangible. However, it’s the emotion attached to the risk, and therefore to crossing the edge, that more often holds us back. The fear of what we might lose, the anxiety of uncertainty. And then there is the sometimes even bigger question: What is the risk of not taking this step? What might we lose if we stay where we are?
Perhaps this feels familiar. Maybe you are standing at the edge of change, or you can feel yourself getting close. What could it mean to give yourself space to breathe—space to be quietly present with the edge and all it represents—space to let the edge of change talk to you?
A Transformational Presence Approach
In Transformational Presence, we recognize four steps in meeting the edges of change. As you read about each of the steps, sense which step you are in right now, and then start there.
Step 1
The first step in meeting an edge is acknowledging the choice you are making right now. Are you choosing to stay present with the edge, or are you turning your back and walking away, or something else? Any choice is valid if you are honest with yourself about what you are doing and why.
For whatever reason, you may not yet be ready to face this edge and what it means for you. It’s ok. If now is not the time, give yourself permission to walk away. However, before you do, ask yourself one more question: How will I know when I am ready?
Answer that question in your heart and your gut before you answer it in your head. Tap into all Three Intelligences for a more complete reading of where you are in your relationship with this edge and what it represents.
If in this first step, you choose to stay with the edge, then continue to Step 2. If you are walking away for now, read on anyway so that you are aware of the other three steps when you are ready to engage.
Step 2
The second step is to allow yourself time and space to be present with the edge—to stay right at the edge or very close by for longer than might be comfortable. Unfortunately, this step is frequently overlooked. Yet it’s here that you can begin to learn from the edge and make peace with the change it represents.
Give yourself time and space to get used to how it feels here. There is no hurry, no pressure to make a decision, or to take a next step. At this moment, your commitment is to stay with it at least a little longer and let the edge and the change on the other side talk to you. What does it want you to know?
This second step can also bring healing. The root of the verb “to heal” comes from the Old English word haelen which means “to make whole.” To cross an edge can be a kind of rite of passage. It can feel like crossing a threshold into a more “whole” or “at peace” version of yourself. Staying present with the edge and not walking away, no matter how uncomfortable at first, allows the edge to do its work—to help you find clarity about what this change really means for you—to be honest with yourself about both the opportunities and the risks.
Keep breathing. As you stay at the edge, notice what happens in your relationship to the change, and therefore to the edge. As your energy softens and opens, the edge often becomes softer as well. And the idea of crossing the edge becomes less scary.
On the chance that the edge gets harder and your resistance or hesitation increases, it’s ok. Stay with your feelings. Ask your fear or resistance what it wants you to know. Give yourself the time you need. And if something still doesn’t feel right about this change, pay attention to that.
When you are ready, move on to Step 3.
Step 3
The third step is “testing the waters”—allowing yourself to dip your toe into the other side of the edge to see how it feels over there. You might even be brave enough to step across to the other side for just a moment or two with full permission to come back to this side anytime you wish. Crossing edges is not necessarily a one-time thing. It’s even ok to go back and forth a few times, crossing and returning, then crossing and returning again. You are gathering information to help you make a clear choice. Take your time here. And know that, if you’ve done your work in Step 2, Step 3 may not take as long as you expected.
Step 4
Finally, the fourth step comes when you are standing at the edge and you realize you’re ready to cross. You might still feel a bit nervous, yet deep inside, you know this is the right thing. So, take a deep breath, step across, and keep on going. Stand tall, keep breathing, and keep moving on.
Start Where You Are
The 15th-century Indian mystic and poet Kabir wrote, “Wherever you are is the entry point.” Sometimes edges of change can feel so enormous that we don’t know where to start. So, we remain where we are, paralyzed by our own uncertainty and overwhelm. Kabir tells us there is no right or wrong entry point. The entry point is wherever you are right now.
Whenever and wherever you find yourself standing at the edge of change, let it be an invitation. You don’t have to say “Yes” right away, yet don’t be too quick to say “No”. The edge just might be your next teacher. Staying with it, at least through the second and third stage, can bring healing and clarity within you. And then you will know whether to cross the edge and move beyond it, or to respect the clarity you are finding and remain on this side.
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Related Blog Posts:
- The Three Intelligences: Gateways to Inner Wisdom
- Why do we resist taking the next big step, even when we know it’s the right thing?
- Knowing When to Take the Lead and When to Step Aside
- Taking Stock of the Life You Live
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